We crunched the numbers, watched countless preseason and summer league games (please don't make us do that again) and used our numerous sauces around the league. Our BOLD prediction: the team that wins the most games in the NBA FINALS will win the NBA Championship. But it looks an awful lot like it will be the Warriors.
Matt and I have put together a list of categories in which we will be making predictions for the 2016/17 Season. As always - we will be calling it early.
Most likely to be traded
BEN (B): ‘I don’t think it makes too much sense to still come into the season with such a heavy line-up at the center position’ (Camerato – CSN).
This quote tells you all you need to know about most likely to be traded. It’s a Nerlens No(el) brainer. He’s gotta go. It’s a shame that Philly drafted 800 3 starting calibre centres during the process era because we could have had a block party in New Orleans, and God help them, Anthony Davis could have used a backup.
MATT (M): You make a good point about the Philadelphia 70 Centres, but I don't necessarily think it'll be Noel who gets traded. Okafor has been miserable, it was obvious last year he was not really thrilled to be in Philly, and with his injury that may just tip it over the edge.
I think Noel is a better fit next to Embiid as well, we don't really know if he can shoot yet and although Rihanna is definitely better than a 3, we haven't really seen his outside shot yet. I think there's a chance that Okafor gets traded first.
I think Noel is a better fit next to Embiid as well, we don't really know if he can shoot yet and although Rihanna is definitely better than a 3, we haven't really seen his outside shot yet. I think there's a chance that Okafor gets traded first.
Who could Philly get for him though? I don't really like him on many other teams. With Okafor, the Celtics wouldn't mind a good low post presence, and if Portland didn't overload themselves with centres they'd be a good fit. But I really wouldn't mind him on the Knicks. It frees up Lord Zingas to play outside more, and gives them a decent center to base themselves around. Shame they blew a nut and gave Noah and his bum knee a 4/72 contract (That's about as untradable as it comes, maybe Chandler parsons but he could have a decent year and vault himself back).
Yet again the real problem is that none of these guys have anything to trade for him, literally nothing. Philly desperately needs anyone that can shoot beyond 3ft and can make a bounce pass.
B: I am nodding in vehement agreement with you.
B: I am nodding in vehement agreement with you.
M: I think though, the team most likely to make a trade is the Kings. My boy Rudy Gay has done everything except stick an 'auction sign' on his front door step and by drafting WCS and some random European dude (so good the named him twice). They're clearly planning for a world without Cousins.
M: One or even both of those two are probably going to get traded, Rudy because playing out this season will have him join Ty Lawson on 'celebrity rehab' and Cousins can't handle anymore poor options at the guard position. Lawson was a good idea but when your season is literally one mojito away from disaster I don't think you've found your answer at Point Guard.
M: I'm claiming the kings, someone will get traded, probably Rudy.
B: My best fit for the trade:
Nerlens Noel & Timothé Luwawu-Cabarrot to Denver for Jamal Murray and Juan Hernangomez – two of these players will play in the NBA, two will not. You decide
M: Timmy's last name ain't gonna fit on the back of a jersey, he can safely stay in wherever the hell he is currently playing at. Probably the local YMCA putting up 25-10 along with Delonte West and Yi Jinlains chair.
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| good positioning but lateral movement leaves a little to be desired |
I don't know how the nuggets feel about trading Murray, he is new, they have a nice little thing going there and they're stacked at forward with a decent percentage of Serbia's population.
B: They are also stacked on the guard front. Moving on.
M: I want to see Rudy end up on my Heat. We will give you Tyler Johnson, kings are stupid enough they may not see the last two years of his contract and immediately shit a couple of biscuits. We could give them Dragic instead. I don't mind this trade even though I'm excited to see what Goran can do without watching Wade dribble for 16 seconds before hurling a step back that swishes. We have good young guys that can run.
I still believe in Rudy, we can slot him in at the 4 and alternate with Winslow at the 3, that's not a terrible pairing. The spacing is a little like walking through Disneyland in the summer holidays but it's not like standing at the airport waiting for Justin Bieber along with a few hundred other people jammed up against you. What do you mean that's a little too detailed?
B: They are also stacked on the guard front. Moving on.
I still believe in Rudy, we can slot him in at the 4 and alternate with Winslow at the 3, that's not a terrible pairing. The spacing is a little like walking through Disneyland in the summer holidays but it's not like standing at the airport waiting for Justin Bieber along with a few hundred other people jammed up against you. What do you mean that's a little too detailed?
First coach to be fired
Otherwise, my pick is Hoiberg – this pick depends on whether you think the bulls will be good. Right now the Bulls are like a Kings team before they drafted every power forward who entered the draft for the last 10 years. I just don’t know where they are going.
M: I don't know about Hornacek, like he was picked by the team after many interviews. I'm going to give him a chance.
You're definitely on the money with Hoiberg, it's terribly ironic that they forced out Thibs over 'power control' yet the roster as currently designed would be pretty good for him. If he can coax 25 mins of defence out of D-Wade that should really earn him COTY.
Hoiberg struggled last year managing egos even though Derrick Rose was more concerned about belts than basketballs and now he adds Rajon 'connect 4' Rondo to the mix? Forget about the spacing I don't know how he will manage all those personalities, some days I bet he will just throw down a couple of shots of Jack, flip a coin and decide whether he will bother trying to get them to run up the floor today.
Have you seen Wade run recently? You can't have 'pace and space' if your SG is still trudging up the floor when the shot clock hits 17. I love Wade, don't get me wrong but as miami fan that creamed himself many times during the LeBron era it was painful to watch the slowness of our team last year.
Hoiberg struggled last year managing egos even though Derrick Rose was more concerned about belts than basketballs and now he adds Rajon 'connect 4' Rondo to the mix? Forget about the spacing I don't know how he will manage all those personalities, some days I bet he will just throw down a couple of shots of Jack, flip a coin and decide whether he will bother trying to get them to run up the floor today.
Have you seen Wade run recently? You can't have 'pace and space' if your SG is still trudging up the floor when the shot clock hits 17. I love Wade, don't get me wrong but as miami fan that creamed himself many times during the LeBron era it was painful to watch the slowness of our team last year.
It'll be a shame to watch all the Freddy highlights looking tearful to Simon and Garfunkel, just kidding that'll be hilarious. We need front offices to shit the bed every few years, keep us on our toes.
Don't worry Bulls fans, you can always hire Byron Scott? Throw him in the drivers seat and see if you can score a few more lottery picks.
The year 11 award – Player to suddenly get hot
B: This award should probably go to Thon Maker, because for all we know he is technically still in Year 11.
But to explain the award…this award relates back to when we were in high school, and for some reason the senior uniforms made the seniors so much hotter. A white shirt improved someone from a 4/10 to an 8. Seriously.
However, I’m going to take a cop out of my own category here…Cometh the hour, cometh the process. The year 11 award goes to Joel Embiid. He is simply looking smoking in his new white shirt this year, and the sixers really need warm bodies who are competent at basketball. God help me if I have to watch Timothé Luwawu-Cabarrot for another season.
Just kidding, I don’t watch the sixers.
M: You're so high on Embiid I think I'll need you to pee in a cup. We all had a girl like that, I was somewhat like this at high school. I was too busy playing 'Halo' with my buddy Adam in Melbourne (hey if you're out there, somewhere) to even look at chicks. Then somewhere between the ages of 19-20 I got hot and my life became a Nelly music video
I'm going to go with D'Angelo Russell here, although learning in the Draymond Green Snapchat school of 'things I should never post ever' caused him to ruin a marriage and be extradited from his peers, I think to weighed to much on his rookie season. He had to deal with the whole 'Kobe farewell' tour and was still productive, he put up good numbers and showed some ice in dem veins.
With a competent coach and the memory of his stupidities behind him I think we will see a lot of heads turning to 'wait, he is a good player'. I think we gonna be seeing a lot more of that.
The shoe throw award – player to receive the most technical fouls
M: This is Cousins award to lose, he won last season and should again this season, especially after Lawson turns up to practice smelling like grey goose trying to do a line off his Jordans before he goes out to play. The chances are better he will do an Amare and punch an extinguisher before he even gets a chance to receive his first technical.
Scoring Title
B: I think this title will be closer than anticipated, and I could see a number of players being in contention (Westbrook, Anthony, Lillard, Irving, Curry) but I’m going to pick the man with a chip on his shoulder the size of Oklahoma and Washington combined – Kevin Durant.
The only way he doesn’t win this is if he decides to get after it – you the real MVP San Fran.
But in all honesty, he will be getting uncontested shots every night – and we saw what Klay could do last year. Let alone being 7 feet tall. Good luck guarding him.
M: KD is going to have a fuckload of points, but he also has to share the ball with Curry (not going to be shooting less off the dribble horseshit that continues to go in) and Klay (showed in the preseason he going to shoot if he is even JR Smith level of open). I don't know how he is going to put up more points than Dame or Harden.
Harden is going to have a lot more ball in his hand (D'Antoni), the licence to shoot at will and the balls to do so. Without Dwight demanding the ball in the post and proceeding to do the post equivalent of Irish dancing (lots of stamping, little movement) or throwing a tantrum if he didn't get it I think he will be freer, a return to 204-2015 form perhaps?
MVP
B: My pick for MVP is based on the following criteria
- No one from the warriors (because of the precedent set by LeBron in Miami – they will never give the pick to the super team – sorry Derrick)
- Not LeBron – he’s going to get a ton of rest
- No one on the Cavs – because they have already mailed in their season, in a curious package that also contained JR Smiths Shirt.
- Will be high in scoring – and other stats do not matter
- Team will have a high record
Thus, my pick is James Edward Harden.
M: I like Harden, if Houston manages to get 3rd seed or better I believe they'll give it to him. He will need some serious help on the defensive end to hit that though. Eric Gordon is more surgically repaired now than man, Ryan Anderson is known as a shooter for a reason and Capela isn't going to cover any mistakes like the corpse of Dwight Howard once did. Not to mention, Harden himself is some days better suited in the Spanish bullfighting ring than on the defensive end. They are all going to have to put in some weight there.
It's tough to pick an MVP from the West when the warriors are lurking and you're 100% right, nobody on that Warriors team is going to get it. Leonard is not in that realm yet, there's a chance that a focused Blake Griffin may get it, he was bending Houston over backwards and making them take a prison shower in that series before they inexplicably collapsed (I can only assume it occurred like a scene from taken and they were forced to lose that series).
I like LeBron, but you're spot on about the cavs, do they really want it in the regular season? I'm going to go back to what I said about the clippers. They have a good side, there's the Warriors fatigue and a win against them with a 2 seed could mean Blake or Chris Paul for MVP.
Best record (overall – and by conference)
B: Warriors – they could limp over the regular season record if they wanted. The only reason they wont win over 67 games is if they actively try to sabotage their own season - I’m looking at you Draymond.
Conference leaders
B: West – Warriors (come on, seriously)
East – Cavs (although I could see the Raps getting up because the Cavs don’t give a damn – but I do see a scenario in which LeBron emulates that Miami hot streak after losing a lot early – whips his boys into gear).
Conference titles
B: See above
Rookie of the year
B: This is tough. If Ben was healthy, id be placing a large amount of money at a TAB right now, instead of going through this mental exercise.
Let’s look at the contenders
- Kris Dunn (peoples pick)
- Joel Embiid (currently processing….)
- Buddy Hield (NBA ready day 1)
- Brandon Ingram (niiiice jumper)
My Pick – Embiid. Yes, I’m building my condo on Embiid avenue, which is curiously close to Oden Lane…
M: Embiid hasn't played in 2 seasons, he won't be playing back to backs and will be seriously limited in playing time all season, it's insane he is even considered for rookie of the year.
I still like Simmons, the Sixers are going to be rubbish, when he comes back and they look semi-competent I think that's going to really be a factor. I like Simmons.
Assists average for Simmons
B: 0 – when healthy, he will walk into at least 7 APG.
M: Brett Brown may get some minutes at guard for the Sixers this season. Anyone who can pass the ball will immediately have it fumbled by a big man who isn't used to catching competent passes. I like Simmons right around 5 assists, maybe a little below. Pencil me in for 14-4-5, something around there, when I'm right you can make a deposit into my PayPal account.
The don't let me down award for most pleasing transformation.
M: Dedicated to the chainsmokers who after defiling our ears with the garbage known as 'selfie' threw in the fore mentioned banger as well as closer, which led to the chance to credit card swipe Halsey, always a bonus.
I'm dedicating this award to Dwight Howard, a change of scenery is all he needs. He was miserable watching Harden shoot free throws, essentially mocking Dwight about his ability. Howard reminded me of Justin Bieber, blatantly mailing in so many performances while defending himself publicly saying 'I'm not a bad guy, I swear'. I watched bieber give about as much of a shit about 18,000 fans as Howard did last season, counting the days till he could retreat.
It's a change of scenery he needs, the public soured on him faster than they did on Taylor Swift (remember when she was adored by the media, me either, when did she become such a sassy bitch). Atlanta will be good for him, nobody there watches the team, baby mammas get good weather, the club scene over there seems to be somewhat strict on under 21 entry. He is a star the remaining fans can rally behind after another falcons season ends in 'oh that's right, we Atlanta'.
He embodies the chainsmokers, he just needs a new chance to throw down his golden hits, don't tell me Orlando was the peak, don't let me down like that.
The Shooey - Most valuable Australian player
- Lots of contenders this year. Let’s go through our options
- Dante Exum
- Patty Mills
- Bogut
- Baynes
- Joe Ingles
- Thon Maker
My Pick – its dell ava d OVER
My favourite player
B: Waiters island is looking like it has some open reservations – However I’m going to have to stick with my uncle - Kyrie Irving
M: My 'quick' thoughts on Rudy Gay quickly exceeded 1000 words and as such I'll save them for another time. My favourite players always range between the stars, I love LeBron and although I shat on him earlier, I'll miss Wades whacky post fun.
This year, I'm excited to watch my boy LaVine play. Like Rudy Gay I have an inexplicable love for Zachy, maybe it was watching him clearly gasp 'oh fuck' on draft night when he realised he was moving away from the sunshine and bitches of UCLA to go to the snow and, well probably still bitches of Minnesota. But it's not the same when you can't go to hollywood and crack onto someone who might be about to guest star in an episode of Supernatural (great show) or be cast as a walking dead extra.
Basketball wise, I'm excited to see what he does here. He played extremely well towards the end of last season and with Thibs getting something resembling defence out of him I can see him having a really strong season and validating my irrational love.
My heart though, will always belong to my Lord Kevin Love. There's nothing to hold him back this season, no fit out or fit in shit, no trade rumours, he validated himself and his decision when he dance dance revolutioned his way to immortality defending Curry in game 7. I can see a more relaxed Kev, more touch, less baggage, less worry. He won't let the chatter bother him anymore, he is my favourite player this season, bring on some NBA.
Our predictions and #analysis
Reviewed by Ben Ellem
on
06:32
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Reviewed by Ben Ellem
on
06:32
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